Feeds:
Posts
Comments

It may have taken me a goodly while, but I learned the story this yarn wanted me to tell.

Module1Collage2

Many already know, my journey is about Reclamation. I also had my moments when I doubted what I was even doing here.  I journaled in response to one of the Module questions, that while this new-found Journey seemed overwhelming, and I wondered whether I could even do what it was I thought I could do, I had found  it was also very freeing.  I felt like an Artisan.  Yet,  in flash— I wondered to what end?  Are my efforts simply too late; regardless with what others might expect?  But then Wonder and Inspiration, Excitement, Passion, and Joy won out.  a-a-And I was on my merry way. (~:

003

During my initial spinning sessions, I had an OVERWHELMING sense of this process being an honoring of the young woman whose passion-filled intent was seemingly forever interrupted. She could never have imaged that so many years later [decades in fact], I would pick up from whence she began.

Had the Weaver in me never emerged, the Spinner could never have found her way.  Weaving came first.  I then wanted to learn how to create the yarn, with which to weave.

006

As I studied the photos I’d collected of my much younger self, I found it necessary to define who she/I was at that exact moment in time.  The photos had been taken by my mentor, in hopes of winning me a spot in a juried show.  Not that my work merited an entry at that time, but it was necessary to get me accepted into her booth space; as an associate. As her student.

I tried to be as honest as I could with the words I chose.  These two collages represent part one of that sitting.

Module1Collage4

Some of the words that did not make it are: Adventurous, Stubborn, Dutiful, Uncompromising [or so I believed, at the time.  NEVER underestimate the power of one individual’s persuasion over another.], Soul Searching, and Brave.

I remember a co-worker, from several jobs ago, saying, “You’re always where you’re supposed to be.”

I was never really sure, even then, whether that was a compliment or…. Well. ANYway,

The second of these collages, holds one word that would eventually lead me away from my love for this craft.

Module1Collage3

While I never got around to the third and subsequent collage, here are the words it would have contained; regarding the very same Me, as I looked at her from a much needed and different perspective: Manipulated, Used, Fearful, Immobilized, Lonely, Friendless, and Bargained Away.

I remember a good many years ago, long after I had been divorced, there was one evening of a friendly family Penny Ante Poker Game, when a friend of the family suddenly remarked of me [during one very important at-risk hand], “She’s bluffing!”

My sister drolly replied, and rather quickly I might add, “She doesn’t know how to bluff.”

While that statement of my character was indeed correct, I won enough on that hand to make a forthcoming house payment. I may not have known how to cheat at cards, but I found myself quite often holding the winning hand.  (~:

I grew up painfully shy, extremely naïve, and overly trusting; especially of those closest to me.  The Young Weaver could not have imagined, that someone so close could end up orchestrating such a complete dismissal of a friendship.

Oh I was aware of this person’s distain for my weaving mentor.  But, the rebellious side of me listened to her all-but-veiled insults, brushed off her judgments, and naïvely tried to make her see the error of thinking. But distain for our the friendship ran too deep, and she mustarded up all she could do to sabotage our burgeoning relationship.

It is hard to forgive myself for allowing her that much control, but I was neither strong nor aware enough, to see [much less believe] what she was doing.  Moreover, I lost someone from my life— a teacher, mentor, and dear friend— that I truly regret losing.  I count myself fortunate, though, that said Saboteur no longer [and for many years now] holds her sway.

However, she is the same woman, who encouraged and pushed me into a relationship [and subsequent marriage] to someone who had absolutely no respect for the creative side of my life.  All too soon I would not be “allowed” to create the Studio and Shop as I had envisioned in my own home.  My weaving and spinning came to a screeching halt.  And I wasn’t even allowed to sit and crochet as he and I sat on the couch together, watching TV.

When I finally determined it was to my best interest to get OUT of my one and only marriage, I never sought family advice or counsel, because I did not want ANYone to cloud my determination. It is not any easy lesson, learning you are always 10 steps behind. I was tired of being played as the Fool I felt myself to be; even so many years later.

But that was Then.  And this is Now. And many already know I’ve shared how I got myself here.  In this Fibery Goodness Journey.

[You can find those words in a HeartSong Studio blog post.  Which also goes quiet a long way in understanding how I get so easily sidetracked. (~: You know, all those circular blog/tutorials posts, and the subsequent creation of my HeartSong Studio Facebook Community page.] But—

003 (2)HeartSongStudio

Eventually, I found my way back to my Captain’s Chair. And using this year’s Tour de Fleece 2014, and team Nevermore Forevermore as my motivator, I found my way back to completing my Module One Yarn.

011 (2)

While finishing up my single for this yarn, there was a poignant line from The Last Samurai, that echoed through my thoughts during each spinning session. And I have since modified it for the purpose of my Fibery Goodness Journey:

‘I belong to the spinner in whom the old ways have joined the new.’

021

While I knew from the Get Go, this was the spindle I would use for this Module, I could not have imagined just how much I would fall in love with how it handled.  I will definitely use this spindle, a good deal more often.

039 001

It was always my intent to keep my yarn basic, and similar to what I would have spun all those years ago.  There was no such thing as Art Yarn back then. But I also wanted it to reflect the Journey that fledgling-of-a-Spinner couldn’t have suspected.

What little Turquoise jewelry I possessed, I wore quite often.  And I eventually ended up doing a fair amount of beadwork, setting up as a vendor on weekends at a local indoor marketplace.  So— I pulled from what I had left of my beading stash, and used the Kingman Mine Turquoise and Onyx to fashion my add-ins.

026

I knew it was going to be a fair amount of work, but I actually quite enjoyed getting my tools out and getting it done.

003

020

I utilized my Little Meggie Kick Spindle for plying.  I LOVES me LM spindle!!!!

004

I would stop periodically, and add in a jump ring.

My friends on Facebook can view the Photo Album I created of the process. There’s a fair amount of dialog to be found there.

006

When the last little wisp of fiber left my fingers…. Well—-

There are no adequate words to describe how I felt when I knew this yarn was complete.

011

It goes beyond being thrilled.  Or filled of Joy.  But as I sit here now, honoring the completion of this Module, I believe to the very depths of my heart, that the Young Weaver in me is now satisfied.  She can at long last rest; in what was over and done with— so very long ago.  She/I am stronger. And I can handle it, now, from here.

013 015

Thank you, Suzy Brown, and Arlene Thayer, for making me look back.  Blessings to you both.

~THE END~


By the Heart

A brief rumination.

It is by the brain that we receive our reasoning and motor skills. Our technological or creative skills. Where we rumage through, store, and/or hide our ever-precious Memories. But it is by the Heart that we either exist or physically cease to be.  It is by the Heart that our emotions rise and/or tremble. Swell or fall.  While tears roll free of our eyes, it is the Heart that aches with either the pain or Joy of any given moment in time.  It is by the Heart that we chose either Love, or the preservation of Self.  It is by the Heart that our voices sing, and/or rally to a cause.  We can chose to live by a Heart filled either of Compassion, or one fueled by Anger.  It is by the Heart that great pain is tempered, and scars of past wrongs are healed.  It is also by the same Heart, we forgive.  And it is by the Heart that our future is revealed, once we chose to see.

“Look at things not with the eyes in your face but with the eyes in your heart.” ~Leonard Crow Dog